JESUS-LOVING
QUEER KID

Two years ago, after leading worship for nearly a decade in evangelical and non-denominational spaces, I started to come to terms with the totality of who I am. I remember finally saying aloud the words that had popped up for years, but were never allowed to surface, "I'm gay". Thus started a journey of turning a disintegrated life into an integrated one.

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I'm not going to sugarcoat it: it was terrible. There were times that I sat there feeling like my chest was literally ripping in half. But therapy and a few trusted friends helped me get through each day.

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Around that time, I tearfully told my therapist, "I think I have to choose between being myself and doing the thing I'm gifted and called to do [worship leading]." And here we are two years later.

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As I release this song, I am the Director of Art and Worship at South Bend City Church, a church that is whole-heartedly behind me. I have an immediate family who has loved me beautifully, even as I live six-hundred miles away. And I have a beautiful partner whom I love with my whole heart.

 

This song is a love letter to all of my younger parts, the versions of me that were afraid to speak the truth. And it's for all those who feel afraid or unwelcome in the places that should be the safest. This is for all the Jesus-loving queer kids like me.